A Balm for What Ails Us: Finding Calm in a Stressed-Out World
Let’s be honest — no one needs to be told that life feels overwhelming right now. Between work deadlines, family needs, social obligations, news, and the constant stream of notifications buzzing for our attention, sometimes it feels like we are running on mental fumes. We cascade from one thing to the next, without pausing to reflect on what it feels like to run in autopilot mode.
Experiencing stress is a universal part of being human, so it’s no surprise that it’s a common denominator among our clients. Rather than trying to eliminate stress entirely, one important aspect of managing it—and supporting mental health overall—is understanding capacity: strengthening our mental container to hold whatever arises, instead of focusing on controlling what shows up.
But understanding capacity is one thing, while making room for it is another. The challenge we face in our modern world is finding, or rather creating, that mental space. Between the constant hum of responsibilities, notifications, and the pressure to keep up, our inner landscape can feel crowded, to say the least. It’s no wonder so many of us struggle to pause long enough to simply breathe, reset, and let our minds rest. And yet that’s exactly what’s required: periods of mental quiet.
The Truth About Stress
Stress isn’t new, but the way we experience it today is. The average adult makes about 35,000 decisions a day (yes, really) and spends over seven hours staring at screens, not counting work. It’s no wonder our nervous systems are in overdrive.
Studies show that 77% of people have experienced burnout at their current job, and workplace stress costs U.S. companies an estimated $300 billion a year. But these numbers aren’t just about lost productivity, they’re a reflection of how hard it’s become to just be human in an age of constant input and an expectation to produce.
How Our Brains React
Our stress response is a very old system built for short bursts of challenge, not constant notifications at every waking hour. Two key systems — the fast-acting “fight or flight” (SAM axis) and the slower “long haul” cortisol system (HPA axis) — are meant to turn on and off as needed.
But in modern life, they rarely turn off. Between emails, news alerts, text messages, and to-dos, the body is constantly reacting as if danger is always present. The result? Suppressed immunity, poor focus, mood changes, and sleepless nights.
How We Make It Worse
We try to cope, of course, but often in ways that add to the noise. In an effort to push away our unpleasant feelings, we fill every quiet moment with distraction: podcasts while cleaning, audiobooks in the car, Netflix at night. But feelings have a way of pushing back the more we try to keep them at bay. These activities aren’t inherently bad, but they’re not the same as recovery, and they tend to pull us out of the present moment. Whether we like it or not, we all experience a full range of emotions, and ignoring them is no different from neglecting any other ailment within us.
We’ve come to mistake the absence of work for genuine rest. Multitasking, powering through, skipping breaks — these keep us busy but disconnected from ourselves. True rest isn’t passive; it’s about engaging in activities that restore mental balance. Our brains have a physiological capacity, just like any muscle or system in the body; they can only process so much before performance and well-being start to decline. Yet we often clock out of work only to keep our minds spinning on something else—scrolling, streaming, or otherwise distracting ourselves and calling it downtime.
What Actually Helps
Here’s the good news: you don’t need to overhaul your life to start feeling better. Small, intentional choices can retrain your nervous system to relax again. In fact, small, intentional choices over time are about ALL that truly works. Here’s the bad news: Some of these activities will feel uncomfortable. If you’re used to constant noise and distraction, sitting with the quiet can feel extremely unsettling.
1. Try a “Silent Ride.”
Next time you’re in the car, turn off all media. No music, no podcasts, no calls — just drive. Notice how it feels to let your thoughts settle. This can be a simple way to disconnect from the workday on your way home. Try it just for one week, and I think you’ll be amazed at how powerful this simple act can be.
2. Ruthlessly Simplify.
Reduce decision fatigue by planning meals, outfits, or daily routines ahead of time. The fewer small choices you have to make, the more space you free for calm. We’re already apparently making 35,000 decisions a day. No need to add more.
3. Book a Restorative Appointment.
Whether it’s a massage, pedicure, or an acupuncture appointment, giving yourself that hour (or more) of uninterrupted stillness can do wonders for your nervous system. It isn’t often we are “forced” to step away from the electronics or other chaos in our normal day. Spending an hour quieting your mind can help you remember what it feels like to experience mental quiet. There’s no shame in enlisting help.
4. Reclaim a Hobby.
Do something you love for no other reason than it brings you joy and focus — gardening, baking, painting, woodworking. This is mental rest disguised as play. The catch: it’s best if you do it without the distraction of another form of input.
5. Meditate (Even for Two Minutes).
It simply cannot be overstated how much of a remedy this one practice is. Most of our internal stress is not directly from external factors; our internal stress arises as a response to the storyline we create as a result of thinking about those external circumstances. Meditation isn’t about stopping our thoughts; it’s about learning not to get dragged away by our own mental drama. It’s about creating a gap, no matter how tiny, between the outside world and how we internally react. Even one or two minutes a day can build resilience. Apps like Waking Up, Calm, and Headspace can help you get started.
6. Put Down the Phone
You likely already know this one, but it bears repeating. Our phones are wrecking our attention, our rest, and our relationships. The constant pings, endless scrolling, and expectation of instant availability are more than the human brain was designed to handle. Try putting your phone across the room during whatever you’re doing. You’ll quickly realize how reflexive the urge is to reach for it—and how much calmer life feels simply by keeping it out of reach.
The Ripple Effect
Managing stress doesn’t just change your mood; it shifts how you show up in every part of your life. The steadier your internal state, the more stability you bring to your home, your workplace, and your community. Capacity and resilience aren’t built through grand gestures; they grow from consistent, everyday actions that teach your body to settle and your mind to refocus.
None of this is meant to discount the reality of mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. These challenges are real, and sometimes professional support is essential. Still, the habits we build—how we rest, breathe, and respond—can either ease or amplify those struggles. Small, intentional acts can help make space for healing alongside whatever else you may be carrying.
At The Pearl Day Spa, our work is to help you practice that steadiness—one quiet moment at a time.
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During these shorter days and cold, long nights, many of us are spending our evenings getting cozied up in our sweaters or blankets and possibly thinking about the upcoming holidays. While some of that might give you the warm fuzzies, thinking about the holidays can also stir feelings of stress and anxiety. Whether dinner parties, company events, or family dinners with not-often-seen family members, these opportunities can be a great time to connect and feel the holiday spirit. Annddd they can also open us up to difficult people and difficult situations that can cause us to feel overwhelmed or even lead to emotional shutdown at a time of year we might like to otherwise enjoy.